Halfway there ~ Pregnancy and lockdown

20 weeks, the halfway point! How on earth are we here already? A point that seemed so far away in those difficult early weeks when the toilet and ginger biscuits were the only relationship I was interested in.

This has definitely been my hardest pregnancy by far. Finding out we were expecting during the firebreak lockdown, getting our heads around the fact our family wasn't finished like we thought and all the stresses, questions, doubts and anxiety that comes with seeing those two pink lines appear on that stick. Don't get me wrong I know from seeing SO many of my incredible clients and hearing their stories and heartbreaks how very lucky I am to have conceived accidently when for so many this is simply stuff of dreams. But I was filled with immense worry, we were currently in lockdown and I had no idea about what was going to happen with my business after an already very difficult 7 months of reduced income and constant lockdowns and restrictions. Luckily the lockdown was lifted and I was met with quite simply the craziest, most difficult 4 weeks of my life! Work was back with bang having to fit in over 25 sessions that had to be postponed during the lockdown plus the usual back to back Christmas appointments, throw in the hours and hours of editing, admin, morning sickness (all ruddy day sickness) extreme fatigue, 3 children and the run up to Christmas I actually do not know how I got through it!

Pregnancy is just so different this time round, not just the pregnancy the whole experience. I can completely relate to all my mama's who have been pregnant during this pandemic now, it's an uncertain time and it's completely normal to feel disappointed, let down or upset that this isn't what you imagined. Going to midwife appointments alone, attending scans alone or with your partner on the other side of the room and not by your side sharing the excitement and joy of seeing your precious baby, having to break news to family members and friends via facetimes, zooms, videos, messages etc, no antenatal classes, meeting other mums and sharing experiences, being isolated for most of your pregnancy and facing the fact that some stages of your labour you may be doing without your birth partner can be overwhelming. My inbox is always open to anyone who needs to chat, I've already connected with so many of my mums to be chatting everything pregnancy related and offering support and advice if needed. This can be a very isolating time and I would hate for anyone to feel alone or they have no one to talk to.

So fast forward through a lovely, relaxed, chilled lockdown Christmas, announcing our news and entering a new year still in lockdown! Anyone else feel like we are just on a constant loop now?! I can't believe the majority of this pregnancy has been spent in isolation and out of work. I really miss working, meeting new people, being creative, snuggling gorgeous newborns and making older babies laugh and giggle with my daft ways, it's truly the most rewarding job and makes me so happy, I feel lost without it! I'm feeling annoyed that my second trimester is being spent not working, a time when you feel your best, most energised and when I could be saving up to have some form of maternity leave. But as we entered the new year I decided to leave my negative Nancy head behind and try and use this time to relax (something I never have the time to do!), spend some quality time with the kids and hubby and getting prepared for baby! I've been organising bedrooms, old clothes and toys and starting to get my list together of everything I need, oh I do love a list!

I decided at Christmas that me and hubby needed a little pick me up, I was aware that he hasn't felt very involved in this pregnancy with me going to appointments alone and the one nhs scan we did have he couldn't even sit next to me nor see the screen really or feel connected to his baby. I decided to book a private gender scan at the amazing Window the the Womb in Ellesmere Port so we could see our baby again, find out their gender and to check his/her growth and development as I had only seen the midwife once and as we all know our crazy pregnancy brain makes us wonder what is going on in there!

I cannot recommend Window to the Womb enough! Such a warm and inviting clinic with friendly staff who just make the entire experience so special for you. You feel like they genuinely care about you, your baby and your pregnancy which during times like now is so important. We had the most incredible scan where the sonographer showed us all our baby's body parts, let us hear the heartbeat, took measurements, checked organs and made us feel completely at ease. We switched to 4d for the end part and were told before hand that baby's at 17 weeks often don't co-operate or look too pleasing in 4d, but there was our baby chilled out and zen with their hands behind their head and legs crossed!

I've never seen anything like it! I didn't know whether to laugh or burst into tears. Our beautiful little baby! I think it was at that precise moment both me and hubby looked at each other and just felt so happy and content. Everything is going to be ok, just look at what will be entering our lives in the summer. Feeling very lucky, very blessed and so in love with this little human already. I just hope their as chilled out of the womb!

We got them to write baby's sex down for us as our 7 year old wanted to do a reveal cake and us all find out together which I thought was so sweet or just very clever as she'd figured out we'd have an entire cake to eat! We dropped off the envelope with the incredible Emma from Emmazing bakes and a couple days later picked up this!

We've never done a gender reveal before but it was actually really fun and sweet finding out all together and seeing the kids reactions. We filmed us cutting the cake so we could send it to family and friends which again was really lovely and made everyone feel involved. So the big question is baby a girl or a boy?

We are over the moon to announce that baby number 4 is a ....

A BOY!!!!!!!! You know I was pretty much 95% certain this one was a boy! I have felt exactly the same as I did in my pregnancy with Arlo, even down to off the same foods, drinks, smells and crave the same things! Identical! Feeling so overjoyed that Arlo will have a little mate for life to save him from his sisters and tik tok, to play footie with and hit the pubs with when their older. The weirdo in me also loves the fact we are now even stevens with 2 girls and 2 boys and the money saver in me is over the moon that I can reuse all of Arlo's gorgeous clothes and toys!

We are so excited to meet you little man! Who else is expecting in 2021? When are you due? Do you know what you're having? Also any nice boy names guys? I am absolutely stumped this time round and really can't find one that sits well for me right now! HELP!